Thoughts about a poem i wrote , age 16?

sounds like a young teenager attempting to write a song....you need to be more creative, and not only use words and images like "wind, eyes, bullets, hope," that have been used, and re-sed, and re-used. you need to think different to be a noticeable poet. you need to tell people something they would not have been able to think up on their own. "away to a better day, the troubles make us strong, carry this flow, and sing along" will come out of almost anyone in america's head . be original.